12 Weeks!

I feel crazy saying it, but a part of me is glad Avery was such a grumpy little baby. We appreciate her new happy disposition all the more for it... And I'm convinced I can do anything after having survived these past couple months.

Avery's newest achievement is discovering her hands and she's now extremely interested in the visible world...

She's Delightful After All!

I'm just writing briefly to say that as of about noon on Tuesday, Avery is a whole new person. Still a needy little baby, mind you, but such a reasonable and sweet one.

I guess it was colic, given how suddenly the problem evaporated. Now we need to reintroducing dairy and soy into my diet, try taking her off of her reflux medication, and catch up on some genuine bonding.

Truth-Telling Time

Here are some photos from January--at home and on our trip to Denver. We thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent there with all our family and friends. Anika, our big "two half" year old particularly enjoyed her grandparents. Mama and Dada enjoyed all the extra hands.





And Avery is, well, Avery. To be honest, in spite of all the wonderful moments and beautiful smiles we've shared, the past few weeks have been completely exhausting, exasperating, and frequently just awful. I feel terrible admitting it, but after ten weeks together, we still have not developed a fondness for Avery that is on par with our feelings for her sister.

I cried all the way home from my our Baby & Me yoga class this morning, and expect I'll continue crying off and on all day. Last time I attended (four weeks ago) Avery woke during class at 10:30am and then basically cried until midnight with the exception of two hours around dinner time. Andrew had to work overnight that night, so I was alone dealing with her and Anika (who luckily got to be in preschool for the first six hours of the ordeal). I wanted to cry then, before that whole scene began, because all the other moms seemed so much happier and attached to their babies.

And then today, when Avery awoke during the middle of yoga class and started in crying, I nearly burst into tears in front of all those happy women and their placid little babies and tried to leave. The yoga teacher convinced me to stay and then held Avery (who was inconsolable, of course) during most of the remainder of the class. At the very end, I managed to nurse her to sleep (which was a minor miracle), and then had to leave feeling completely embarrassed because it looked as though I'd made a scene over a baby who was merely hungry.

But it's so much more than that. We've tried everything. Although there are times when she's totally reasonable, she still cries for hours upon hours most days. And I can't even articulate how helpless it makes me--us--feel.

At this point, I can only hope that what's bothering her is colic because that means there is an end in sight. And in the meantime, I will cling to images such as these with the desperate hope that they hold a truth I struggle to see in animate life.

Discovering Reciprocity

After some really awful weeks of near constant fussing and spitting up, Avery is finally beginning to show us some love. She's been smiling occasionally for a couple weeks, but has generally been too busy being miserable to be social.

We've decided that she probably has a combination of a milk/soy protein intolerance (like her sister) and reflux. Now that I've given up dairy and soy consistently for over a week, I think we're just dealing with reflux (which Zantac doesn't entirely fix). BUT, she's spending more time asleep and more of her awake time happy. During these past few days she's transformed into a whole new person--I'm really hoping the cranky little newbie phase is finally behind us...

Avery at 5 weeks

The photo below might just be Avery's smile, though we're still not convinced that she's smiling in earnest. Even if it's not though, she will assuredly be grinning often in the very near future.


On the whole, Avery is growing well--nearly three pounds during her first four weeks! Pretty unbelievable considering all the spitting up she's doing...

Although Avery is in many ways an easier baby than Anika, she does seem to have some GI issue that appears to really bother her at times. We've been medicating her for reflux and I've given up both dairy and soy because we suspect that (like her sister) she has a milk protein intolerance. I'm not wild about restricting my diet again, but after a couple 'good days' I'm slowly coming around. Fussy babies are the worst.

Andrew is frequently working 30 hour shifts this month. It's been challenging for us both, particularly last weekend when I had a fever off and on for about 36 hours, but we're hanging in there. And very much looking forward to a trip to Colorado in about two and a half weeks!

Let's hope that this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship...

Our Resident Hiccup Champ at Two Weeks

I hope to add more photos soon, but in the meantime here is a short video of Avery at two weeks.